Tweed Lion

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion reads the paper

Facebooktionary

Most Famous Thumb?Words mean different things at different times and places. For instance, if you were hanging out with John Adams in 1776 and said, “Your wig looks awful,” you’d be giving him a compliment, but not so much if you said that to your wife in 2013. Accordingly, in a good faith effort to help us all better navigate the digital frontier, I’ve been making a list of phrases used on Facebook and what they mean in real life. Without further ado, I give you the Facebooktionary.

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Face·book·tion·ar·y:

noun (pl. -ar·ies), an alphabetical list of words or terms in a language with their misconstrued meanings, as derived through popular usage on Facebook.

Free Speech:

noun, the right for people I agree with to say things without negative consequences.

Happy Birthday!

adverb, when you express a pleasantry to a relative stranger because a computer reminded you to do so.

birthday-thanks-facebook-wall

Living the dream!

verb, (1) posting something on Facebook meant to solicit jealousy when you should be enjoying the beach, a nice dinner, or something else pleasant, because you need the validation of loose acquaintances to legitimize your experiences; (2) a variation of the prior entry in an attempt to solicit sympathy because you have to do unpleasant things that everyone else also has to do.

Not to be political, but…

verb, starting off a status update with a lie in the hopes that you can share a poorly thought-out viewpoint without having those you offend call attention to your B.S.

-Thomas Jefferson:

noun, a misattribution that often comes after a sentence in quotation marks. (See also “-Abraham Lincoln, “-Marilyn Monroe,” and “-Audrey Hepburn.”)

 

It would've taken you five seconds to learn this was fake.

It would’ve taken you five seconds to learn this was fake.

Social Network:

noun, a single man or woman bored at work or looking at his or her phone while feeling lonely.

Socialist:

noun, a democratically elected leader I happen to disagree with, especially if he/she is able to pass legislation I disagree with and do not have the popular support to change.

You’ve got to watch this!

verb, enticing someone to watch an okay video.

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There must me a bajillion things I missed. Feel free to add in the comments.

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Published on November 25, 2013 by .